Shidduch Crisis

I have a question. I constantly hear people bleating about the shidduch crisis. But is a crisis REALLY happening?

Maybe people are getting married later because more people are going to college, or doing things that prevent them from dating so early. Or maybe it's ok that people aren't getting married at 19 or 20. Let them have a life before committing themselves to marriage!

Are we calling this a crisis because people aren't married at 25? 30? 35?

I think the entire crisis is that people are calling this a crisis at all. Why scare people and tell them that since they aren't married at a certain age, their chances at ever getting married are slim? We are scaring people unecessarily, and that's the main problem! We shouldn't be preaching in seminary that your focal goal when you leave the sem gate is to aquire a hubby. We should insist on secondary education and aquiring a good job. Yes, look for a husband during that time, but don't make it your primary goal. If you're life is rich in other ways, then you won't be upset constantly when your search doesn't end immediately.

My friends that are the happiest are ones that have jobs and an active social life without dating being their focal extracaricular activity. Yes, they date, but they realize that their life can be full in other ways. Of course they understand the importance of finding a husband, and they do their part, but they realize that they need to be happy. They don't want to turn into bitter women that only date and complain about how unlucky they are.

(By the way guys, this goes for you too)

Some more things that bother me:

Recently I became addicted to a message board called imamother.com.
It's very interesting and I think it's great that there's a place for frum women to get together where they can get advice and support from other frum women. Especially since many women that frequent the board obviously come from backgrounds that are slightly close-minded and probably wouldn't be able to find women in their community that they would feel comfortable discussing intimate matters with.

I was shocked when I found a thread where women were discussing how uncomfortable they felt being intimate with their husband and allowing him to see them completely naked. Many women wrote that they were ecstatic when their kallah teacher told them that they're supposed to have sex with the lights off. One woman admitted that she leaves most of her clothing on during the act!

I was flabbergasted. I know women that are extremely overweight and yet they still feel comfortable with their husband. What is wrong with a society that makes a woman feel uncomfortable with her body? Are they taking tznius too far? Or not presenting the rationale behind modesty in an appropriate fashion? When these girls are growing up are they told that their body is gross, and that's why it needs to be covered? Or do they teach them the beauty of keeping your body special to yourself, and then someday when you get married you get to share your beautiful body with your husband. And that you SHOULD show your husband your naked body. AND it's a good thing!!!!!

I think it's wonderful if people are very frum, but when certain laws are twisted and people don't understand why laws are kept, it effectively taints something that could be beautiful. It's wonderful that women keep their bodies to themselves. . . but it's a very serious matter when so many ultra-frum women feel uncomfortable being intimate with their husbands.